reapertoire | graveyard

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graveyard

graveyard

#GRAVEYARD

Well, that sucked!

That might be your first thought when you open your eyes to find yourself in a lavishly decorated room with a nice, soft bed. Or maybe you’re thinking about something else, it doesn’t really matter, since the only important thing right now is that you’re alive. Sort of. You’re still dead, but you also still exist, so that’s better than nothing.

Whenever you decide to leave the room to venture out into the rest of the building, you’ll find that… hm. You sure have found yourself somewhere interesting, and there are plenty of places to explore. Foods from all of the weeks prior can be found in the hotel’s kitchen, as well as an entertainment center in the next room; just because you’re dead-dead doesn’t mean you can’t still have fun while the Reaper’s Game continues. Dare you try your luck with the ice cream machine in this weird place…? Or do you explore the mysterious board game that rests on the lobby’s table? Nothing’s stopping you.

You’re absolutely able to leave the hotel, by the way. As soon as you step outside, you’ll find yourself in whatever area is currently open to the remaining Players for the current week. The only thing is, in addition to being invisible to the shadowy denizens of the RG... it seems you can’t interact at all with your fellow active Players in the UG, either. Weird!

But that’s okay, you’re not totally alone in this limbo-squared! There are others around who you can interact with, and you might recognize them as the other people who have been Erased during the course of the game. In fact, there’s one rather special resident of this place... it’s none other than Dahlia Hawthorne. You might remember her as Utena Tenjou’s murderer from the first week! Upon seeing you, she smirks, welcoming you to the party.

“Did you really think you'd seen the last of me? Welcome to the Under-Underground—the loser’s playground, a failure like the rest of us,” she taunts, swirling the teacup in her hand with an almost gleeful look in her eyes. Then, as if to preempt whatever the new arrivals wish to respond with, she rolls her eyes and adds, “The stupid name wasn’t my choice, by the way. As if I’d choose something that dumb to preside over.”

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[Izaya says that and Lion flashes to the memories of the sixth game and can't help a soft laugh.]

You have no idea... Love is a rather terrifying force, not unlike the ocean, I think. Beautiful and tranquil one minute, the warm embrace of the water a comfort. But another moment, it's cold and harsh, crashing around you. At least that's how it seems to me.

I think that's an accurate description. After all, love is a state of being that humans can exist in. And what you described is human existence.

Is the ocean an apt metaphor for all emotions then?

I wouldn't say emotions. An emotion is more like a specific kind of breeze or rainfall or something. Well, in a general sense, 'happiness' might be broken down to the different 'weathers' or elation, serenity, and so on. But for the most part, I'd say an emotion is a set and limited thing.

States of being, however, that you experience over the long term, I think can be better compared to a varied existence like the ocean.

I see. That makes sense to me. Most emotions are fleeting but love is rather unique in that regard. Though I suppose hate can be similar, too. Sometimes they're hard to distinguish even.

Isn't that what people would call a black romance?

[reaper au izaya orihara has read housetrapped]

A black romance? I suppose that seems like a good term for it. I haven't felt such a thing myself but I can understand to an extent the way a feeling like that would emerge.

How would you understand it, Lion-san?

[As Beatrice and Battler.]

My sister once said something along the lines that... women tend to overexaggerate a man's words in their heart. I can't say I agree along such gendered lines. I think humans in general have difficulty truly understanding each other and so they struggle to measure the worth of each other's feelings. After all... even if someone says, "I love you" or "I'll come back for you", you can't ever know exactly how they feel. You can take it at face value... or you can agonize over it.

I believe... we give importance to what has meaning to us. But with regards to each other, what has meaning isn't always equal. That inequality causes gaps... that can become painful cracks. And the more one agonizes over it, the more those cracks spread. Reassurances or silence might only increase them if the person can't be convinced of the meaning behind them.

Ah, I hope this doesn't sound too presumptuous of me. But I believe it was best said... People are riddles. They want someone to solve them. And remaining unsolved... can be torture.

That's a very interesting theory, Lion-san.

[His voice has gone quiet and gentle. It's a mark that she has his absolute and complete attention.]

Of course, I wouldn't deny that as one path to a more dangerous kind of romance. I would also agree that humans can never truly know others or themselves. Yet, many people also want to be understood, almost as if to make up for what they can't themselves understand. Is that what you mean?

Yes, I think so. We're born not knowing love but needing it. Everyone is this way. It doesn't have to be romance exclusively... familial love or platonic love, I think... people need to recognised by someone. Maybe it's because without other people, we live in such an empty world and can't even confirm our own thoughts and feelings without someone else to affirm or contrast them?

Ah, that's interesting. So you don't believe in a primal love, one that comes out straight from the start? Of course, you could make the argument that humans are social creatures. It's been key to our survival and development, after all. So it's also possible that this is some biological imperative that influenced our minds if you take that perspective.

It's true that people often like to break things down into evolutionary reasons. I do find them interesting but they don't make us any less remarkable. But no, I don't believe in a primal love. Some might say a child is obligated to love a parent but that... isn't always the case, for example. But to grow up into healthy people, I believe we need love.

Is that because you believe that specific things are granted by love that allow for proper development? Or is it because you can't imagine what it would be like for someone to grow up to be a healthy individual if they lack love?

I believe the former, though I suppose it ties into the latter. Unless you can think of an argument for someone who grew up healthy but without love.

It's difficult for me to imagine, too, in all honesty. Although isn't it also possible that our definition of 'healthy' is limited in its inability to include such a thing?

Hmm, that is a point. In that case, I suppose we need to define what 'healthy' means. Now that I'm thinking about it, it really is a vague term that's hard to put into words. It feels more like "I know it when I see it" than something that can be defined.

One place to start is in the basic sense of functioning. Although it isn't a sufficient condition, I'd say that to be called healthy, something also has to be fully functional.

Is that something you'd agree with?

Yes, I agree with that absolutely.

Alright, then at that point, we have to ask, "What is this definition missing?"

By that definition, almost all people would be healthy. But I think we can agree that the image that is conjured by the word 'healthy' doesn't fit as many people. And even then... using this game for an example, most people would consider a murderer someone who isn't a healthy person but some people who are healthy might choose to murder depending on the circumstances.

In that case, would you say a person who was healthy and chose to murder could still be considered healthy, or would that attribute be lost?

I think it's possible. But I admit I have a certain bias here as someone who considers myself healthy but also chose to commit murder if needed here.

Although it's impossible for us to know now [sadly], what do you think murdering would do to you, Lion-san?

I've wondered that.

[Lion has thought about it. Overall, it never seemed to bother Beatrice. Not really. But maybe it did and Lion just couldn't understand the way it did. That wouldn't be surprising.]

I... have an incredibly strong will to live. I hate that I've died. I hate that I failed. I think... I wouldn't be happy killing someone, of course. I can't say it would truly be justified. We all want to live. We all have our reasons and it's hard for me to say someone's reason is better than another's. If someone condemned me for it, I would say they're right. If I had been caught, I would accept it. But I... I need to live. And while I would feel guilt, it wouldn't stop me from living. That's what I believe.

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voyeur - 2018-04-09 07:01 (UTC) - Expand

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